Welcome. Thank you for attending today’s service. Today I’d like to talk about a subject that’s rarely touched upon by most in my field. The question of faith and how much you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ in the toilet. Many of you may not believe he’s in the toilet, but he’s there. He’s there looking up your hairy ass every day. He’s waiting for that shit to come down. He knows it’s the only true gift you can give to the throne. But I wonder how many of you go home and shit for Christ. How many? I QUESTION YOUR FAITH. How many of you all go home and say: “Jesus, this shit’s for you”? I know I shit for Jesus everyday. Every little shit drop I can squeeze out of my holy ass goes to Jesus. Jesus in the toilet.
And I know you all act good, put money in the plate, and show up every Sunday, but will you shit for Jesus? WILL YOU SHIT FOR JESUS? That is the question today. Jesus knows if you shit for him or if you shit for the sanitation people; he knows the difference.
If you will pass, when you go on to that great big whatever in the sky, and Jesus is there surrounded by the shits of the faithful that have been donated onto him since time begun, he’ll say: “Son, you didn’t give me no shit”. And you will be subject to eternal damnation.
‘Cause I tell you friends Jesus loves a shit, he loves ‘em. It comes down on his face it runs over him it cools him off sitting in that hot toilet all day waiting for you to get home. There’s nothing better for him. He wants you. Be faithful. When you go home today I want you to eat your beans. I want you to take your laxative. I want you to shit all over the house. I want to hear that Jesus almost drowned just trying to swallow your shit. Get the kids on the bowl, get them to shit. Get the wife on the bowl, get her to shit. Get grandpa to give one of them smelly shits.
Jesus will come to you. You look between that crack in your ass and see that face swimming there, just awaiting. He’s yearning, yearning.
So my flock, please shit for Jesus. Shit for Jesus because it’s all he needs. You will bring upon us eternal life through your donors. And Jesus ain’t that particular; he’ll take any kind of shit you can give him. It could be them sloppy shits. I personally, my belief has always been that diarrhea is one of his favorites. But then of course that’s an individual thing. How each one communicates with Jesus is between him and Jesus. My diarrhea may be preferential to me but that don’t mean nothing. Them big turds that got to fold in half when they go down the pipe, he might like them too. I don’t hardly eat enough to do that. And you women have to work better at it, you got to eat more shit. None of them little women turds don’t turn Jesus on no how. That’s not enough meal to feed a cow and it ain’t enough to feed Jesus. There’s nothing like the taste of shit in the toilet, and Jesus knows it. Only Jesus can have your shits.
And when you go home I want you to sit on that bowl, and I want you to push and I want you to pull. I want you to push your bladders out. When you see Jesus appear I want you to push so hard you think it’s going to come out your ears. You’ll say: “Oh Jesus, take my shit. Take, swallow my shit. OH JESUS! Yes, that’s it. That’s it Jesus, rub it all over your face.”
Maybe he’ll even poke you up the ass there for the hell of it. And Jesus loves you. And Jesus loves your shit.